I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
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It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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