he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
