My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
