she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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