Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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