Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I am mentally ready for anal.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
