You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
