She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
