If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
