Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
