6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
