and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
As shirtless as possible
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
