i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
