he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
