i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
