I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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