I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You are a genius and a whore.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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