There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I am one with the molecules
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
