Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
