i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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