Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
