Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
