I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
