i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
My vagina just clenched in fear
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
