The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
