So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
