is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
