The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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