he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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