why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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