Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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