Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
