i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Operation Purity has been aborted
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize