before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
