She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
