Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
we're making bets on your personal life
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
