Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
