If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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