i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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