I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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