one word: firstdatebathroomanal
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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