it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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