i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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