Your face is a jimmy john
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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