Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Randomize
