You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize