I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
