we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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