If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
