i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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