I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
