Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
