I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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