ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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