10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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