I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
