Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
