we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
