1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
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