He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
