he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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