i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
